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Imagine for a moment that, sometime aroundDavid Friedman had hired a young and unprepared Mel Brooks to write and direct him a nudie-cutie. Imagine further that the master negative of the resulting picture got lost in the mail on the way to the printing lab, forcing Brooks and Friedman to reconstruct the film using whatever outtakes were available. That hypothetical movie would be almost indistinguishable from Fairy Tales. It was Charles Band instead of David Friedman. And of course, there was no unfortunate postal fuck-up to account for why everything looks like it could have used maybe just one more take. Even with the lesson delivered in the form of a vaudeville-style musical number, the stakes for the prince spelled out explicitly, and a gift-wrapped naked girl to sweeten the deal, there is no rising of passions or stirring of loins.

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